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Jen

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New LJ [04 Dec 2004|11:44am]
[ mood | enthralled ]

Yeah... because I'm Jen I made a new LJ and it's going to be friends only so if you want to view my new LJ you can go to my new LJ and comment and I'll add you (if I feel like it. =D) and then you can view it and comment and all that jazz. =D. ok.. here's the link... http://www.livejournal.com/users/onmyown214


alritey bye!

[ I`m not that girl ]

Ok now a real entry [29 Nov 2004|11:25pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Well... today was an ok day.

School.

  1. Math- We're doing probility... easy crap
  2. Italian- I have no fucking clue what's going on, went out into the hallway and talked to Mr. Goldstein. He is soo nice!
  3. Chorus- Today was our 1st day without our music and no one is ready in advance for the concert
  4. Science- Got a 65 on the test. =/. Started Unit 3.
  5. Gym- Volleyball
  6. Lunch- Didn't feel too good so really did nothing
  7. Health- Talked about alcohol.
  8. English- Watch some thing about WWII
  9. AP- Got a 56 on the test. =/. Took a daily quiz and worked on the QA.

Then after school Phil came home with me. 1st we ate grilled cheese, then we started our English Packet thing and just talked. We had a really good convo about just a lot of shit going on. Then George and Ryan came over. Ate dinner and then worked on the English Packet more. Then Ryan's dad came and picked up George and Ryan. Then my mom and I drove Phil to Jazz Band and then went to Party City to pick up Danielle and pick up Chirstmas stuff. Then went home and then went to Leo's. I was supposed to be making a cover for my english packet but instead I colored pictures for Leo's grandma while he made my cover. Then we made cookies and just talked about random crap I don't remeber. Watched the Swan and came home. Finsih last mintue stuff on the packet and here I am.

I really can't stand people. UGH! I really hate how people are so concieted about EVERYTHING and think their the best at everything. Sorry to be the one to break it to you but life doesn't always go your way about certin things and you can't always get what you want.

Alright I'm going to bed... here is a few things I'm counting down to...

25 days til Chirstmas
26 days til I leave for N.C.w/o family
83 days til Q. w/Steve and Donnie
87 days til  Wicked w/Leo, Phil and my mom

 

ok... nite all.

[ I`m not that girl ]

Survey... han't had one in a while... [29 Nov 2004|11:18pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Have you?
[x]been drunk.
[ ]smoked pot
[x]kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[ ]rode in a taxi.
[x]been dumped.
[ ]shoplifted.
[ ]been fired.
[ ]had a job.
[x]been in a fist fight.(with my sisters)
[ ]snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ]been arrested.
[ ]stole something from your job.
[ ]celebrated new years in times square.
[ ]went on a blind date.
[ ]smoked a cigarette.
[ ]gone on an airplane by yourself.
[ ]broken a bone.
[ ]had sex in a car.
[x]white lied to a friend.
[x]went swimming in your bathtub.
[x]had a crush on a teacher.
[ ]celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[ ]made out in a movie theater.
[ ]taken caffiene pills.
[x]been to disney land.
[x]had a crush on someone you hardly knew.
[ ]been to california.
[ ]been skinny dipping.
[x]regretted something.
[ ]peed on someones lawn.
[ ]skipped school.
[ ]thrown up from drinking.
[ ]lost your sibling.
[ ]been butt nekked bangin on the bathroom floor.
[ ]kissed a member of the same sex. (he he he)
[ ]HAd sex with a boy.
[ ]had sex with a girl.
[ ]been in a car accident
[ ]partied for days and days straight
[x]had a family member die.
[x]played 'clue'.
[x]had a sleepover party
[x]went ice skating.
[ ]dropped x.
[ ]been cheated on.
[x]had a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[ ]had a threesome
[ ]had a sweet sixteen.
[ ]had a car.
[ ]drove.
[ ]had sex on a roof, with your friends unknowingly watching?

do you?
[ ]have a bf.
[ ]have a gf.
[x]have a crush.
[x]have a dog
[ ]have your own room.
[ ]listen to rap. (only Eminem)
[ ]paint your nails.
[ ]play a sport.
[ ]play more than one sport.
[ ]watch sports on tv.
[x]have a fav. group/singer/artist.
[x]have more than 1 best friend.
[x]get good grades.
[ ]play an instrument
[x]have slippers.
[ ]wear boxers.
[ ]wear black eyeliner
[x]like the color blue.
[x]like the color yellow.
[x]like to read.
[x]like to write.
[ ]have long hair.
[ ]have short hair.


are you?
[x]ugly.
[ ]pretty.
[x]ok.
[x]bored.
[ ]happy.
[ ]bilingual.
[ ]Black
[ ]Mexican
[ ] short
[ ]medium.
[x]tall.
[ ]grounded.
[ ]sick.
[x]lazy.
[ ] talking to someone
[ ]IMing someone
[x]scared to die
[x]sleepy.
[x]annoyed.
[ ]on the phone.
[ ]in your room.
[x]drinking something
[x]eating something.
[x]in your pjs.
[x]ticklish.
[x]listening to music
[ ]homophobic.

[ I`m not that girl ]

A lot of crap... [28 Nov 2004|10:45pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I just really sometimes just feel that no one is truely there for me. Yes, some people are there when I need someone to talk to but the majarity of my friends aren't and I'm sick of it. I really am. And if someone certin is reading this and I hope they are...thanks for replacing me. I would NEVER replace you. You'd always be my best friend and I guess things changed in your point of view but you can't just turn your back on the friend that was there for you though EVERYTHING and was there whenever you needed a friend. And to someone else...I can write whatever I want in here or my lj and leave it open ended and don't need to tell the world. You can think what you want and say I'm doing it for attention... but I'm not. I'm allowed to write something in MY profile or lj and not tell you. If you don't like it there's an easy solution. DON'T READ IT! Wow! =O! How easy is that? Preatty god damn easy if you ask me.

I'm also tired of everyone talking about their obessions with LOVE! God... if I hear one more person complain about love I think I'm going to scream. It's ok to be upset after you break up with someone but with are 15/16 years old! We have no idea what love truely is, but we will in time. We haven't lived 1/2 our lives, we can go though high school without complaining about love and searching for it cuz I'm sorry to break it to you, you won't find it in high school. You might be in "realtionships" and you may think your inlove but none of us will yet know what love is until we are older because we still have a lot of leaning belive it or not and that's all I have to say on this topic and if people want to be immature and come up with stupid reasons why love is worth complaining for then be my guest because it will just show that you have nothing better to do then say "oh well, all because this is your opinon doesn't mean it's true" will boo fucking who.

Well... I have 2 shows comeing up that people should come see... ok...

Here's Love

December 3rd, 4th, 10th and 11th
At Smithtown Methodist Church (230 Middle Country Road Smithtown, NY 11787)
Tickets: $10
Time: 8pm
**December 17th and 18th
At Kings Park High School
Tickets: $15
Time: 8 pm
**Proceeds will go towards calling cards for the military men and women overseas.

In Bethlem Inn

December 12th
At Hope Lutheran Church
Tickets: Free and you also get stew and modern day dessert
Time: 4:30 and either 7 or 7:30 not sure

ok that's it. bye.

[ I`m not that girl ]

Only 35 More Days Til Christmas! =D. [20 Nov 2004|09:58am]
[ mood | artistic ]

Only 35 more days to Christmas!
I love Christmas soo much! I love everything about it. The snow, the togetherness, the movies, candy canes, the pine tree smell, the cookies, the everything! sigh. It is seriously my favorite holiday. Well.. I need to know... who am I exchangeing with? Well... I'm going to post my list of the things I want and who ever wants to exchange either comment, call, or im. =D. well here it is..

Jen's Christmas List

DVDs
       Donnie Darko
       Little Shop Of Horrors
       Camp
       Godspell
       Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
       Shrek 2
       Chicago

CDs
       Godspell: 2000 Off Broadway Cast Recording (<3 Barrett Foa <3)
       Camp
       Aida
       Phantom Of The Opera
       Rent
       Footloose (the musical)
       My Fair Lady
       You're A Good Man Charlie Brown
       Bye, Bye Birdie

Yeah... so comment if you want to exchange

What has been new in the life of Jen?

Hm... nothing really I suppose... been reading The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. AMAZING book. =). I've been writeing a lot recently... I'm thinking about posting one of them at the end of my entry. Well... Here's Love opens soon and to be honest I don't think we're ready... a lot of people don't know their lines or blocking. Oh well... Sound Of Music will be starting soon and I can't wait. I love that show soo much! Cabaret auditions are coming up soon and I am sooo scared because I can't dance. I really want to be in the show too... oh well... the worst thing that can happen is I don't make the show and do Coustmes and Props again. Well... here's my newest poem...

 

Alone
Alone I sit
Alone I am
No one caring
No one there
Alone is what I will be
Alone with no one to love me
No one to hug me
No one to love me
Alone from the rest of the world
No one to dry my tears
No one to catch me when I fall
Alone dreaming of
No more pain
No more sorrow
No more emptiness
Alone I sit
Alone I am
And countine this deadly cycle.

 

Ok... I'm done... comment if u wanna exchange christmas gifts.



[ I`m not that girl ]

A little too much for Jen to handle recently... [06 Nov 2004|09:50pm]
[ mood | I'm soo tired of being here!=( ]

well... hm... where shall I begain? well... my dad ripped up my fucking english quarterly. Great! So not only did I have to explain to Miss Pizzuro, but the next thing I knew I was talking to Ms. Boyce and she was asking me questions like "Do you cut yourself?" and "When was the last time your dad hit you?" like I wouldn't of cared of answering but I really didn't feel like spending the day going in and out of guidence. And my mom has to go into a fucking meeting discussing my well being. Sigh. This will all be over anyway why are they making such a big fucking deal about it now when it will soon anyway! ugh. So my mind has really been focused on that and I've been more depressed then ever. I think since Wed. I broke down atleast 20 times and just started crying randomly. I cried when I got into S.S. the other day and a lot of people thought it was about my grade (a 43) but it was just about all this shit. I randomly started crying on Phil's sholder during drama. I vented to random people (aka George, Phil, Adams, Pizzuro, and a lot more). I just wanna wake up from this nightmare but the scary part is this is reality. SIGH! I really just wanna wake up and relive my life and just have the people I care about still and my life minus all the assholes (aka my dad and all the people who fucked me over the past like few months). I really just wanna scream and just get out of this life. I wish life came with a redo botton. I really do. I would be soo happy. I just really hate my life at the moment. I really do. I just hate how people say they are there for me but when I need them the most they disappear. I lose that sense of confort. It's horrible. This is one of the hardest times in my life and it seems like everyone is running away and hideing for me. Can't you guys see this is when I need all of you guys most? Can't you see all I need is my friends to cry to? Just knowing you're there for me will make me feel a whole lot better. Most of my "best friends" are just blocking me out of their lives and makeing me feel like complete shit. I'm really getting sick of it. I really am. I have a crappy biological family... all I really needed were my best friends to make me forget all about that shit but I guess I was wrong because you all just say you're there for me. Not trying to sound selfish or anything but SAYING and BEING there for me are 2 compeltely different things. I am always there for people when they need me but when I need you guys you guys aren't there and I am getting tired of it. Where is my light at the end of the tunnel? When will the good things start? Why am I here? What is the point of waking up in the morning? What is the point of living any longer? And why did I ask so many questions?! Well... I'm going to go before people are going to make fun of my entry like people normally do. So yeah.

[ 6 Couldn be happier // I`m not that girl ]

I Wish I Had More Time (wow it sounds like I'm dying or something) [02 Nov 2004|08:46am]
[ mood | I I Wish I Had More Time ]

Sorry I haven't updated in a long time... ok well... this weekend was fun... had 2 parties, my cousin here, and pigging out with 2 great friends!

Well... party #1 was Meg and Lauren's Halloween party! It was great! It was soo much fun! Mr. Ryan scared the shit out of people... ha ha. I ate a lot of "mud" (really pudding with gummy worms)

Party #2 was Val's Birthday/Halloween party! And that was soo much fun! People who I thought hated me I got along with so nicely with. Val has this candy bowl that scared the shit out of me! Like when you went to grab candy it like grabed you hand. lol.

On Halloween I went to Sam's house with Leo. OMG! It was soo much fun. We watched The Others and Final Distination, Order some chinese food in, jumped with moonshoes (soo much fun), was being attacked by Leo. It was just a great day.

 

Yesterday... school...

  1. Math- Really didn't do much...
  2. Italian- An AP was watching us so the class was being good but I still didn't learn anything.
  3. Chorus- Learned Carol of The Bells! That brought back many LIS memories when Brian Stern was teaching us that. =(. I miss him. And Jessie showed up! I missed her soo much!
  4. Science- Tried finishing a lab but I got soo confuzed and the rock was wrong and so I still have no clue what it is!
  5. Gym- Ran the mile. ugh. I hate it. I jogged the whole thing and I got a 10.13 =/. That just shows how slow I am.
  6. Lunch- People were being idots so I just talked with Leo and Lizz! (I missed her so much!)
  7. Health- Took a little quiz thing... got a 100% and watched some video about abuseing OTC drugs. Donny gave me a lot of left over candy from yesterday. So Jen was HYPER!
  8. English- Just talked with Geo and Phil basicly while doing a ditto.
  9. AP- Watch something about the election... then took some notes... have a test Thursday =/... I'm soo nervous... I have 77 in that class and I wanna get atleast an 80 in it and this test can either make my grade rise or fall. =/.

Then Drama. OMG! that's all I can say. The show opens next weekend! NEXT FUCKING WEEKEND! =O! Well.. Jessie was helping out with CP. Well... let me just say Jessie HATES Pizzuro and Pizzuro HATES Jessie. lol. Very interesting day afterschool. I talked to Jon-Charles a lot and he is serously such a good friend. He truely is. Whenever he sees me he just gives me the biggest hugs ever!

Well then I went home.. got some McDonalds for dinner and since I need to get a job I got an applection for McDonalds. Then came home and played monopoly with my mom, Jess, and Dani. I losted BADLY. =(. Then I went in the living room and my mom said by Feb-March this all will be over! That scared the shit out of me! I'm leaving my home in 3-4 months! 3-4 months I'll be out of this house. I don't even know where I'll be living in 3-4 months. Some asshole is comeing to look at the house this weekend. THIS WEEKEND! ugh... I'm just afraid of living Newfield... leaving my friends... leaving the family I got there. My mom said we are going to stay at Newfield but what if we can't find a house in our price range in this area?! I'll die! I really will. But hey if I did go... I'd like to see how many "true" friends will still be friends with me. Who will care. Who would still be with me? Who'd still talk to me? =(

 

Ok... going to get into the shower cuz me and Leo are getting begles in a little... then i have to go to Newfield for rehershal since we r off from school. =/.

[ 5 Couldn be happier // I`m not that girl ]

GREAT NEWS!!! [27 Oct 2004|05:13pm]
[ mood | I love you more then you know ]

Ok well... today has been a great day...

Math: Took a quiz whitch wasn't too bad. It was open notebook and the questions were from dittos we did. So easy 100.

Italain: Idk... i don't pay attention...

Chorus: I really love that class. It's soo much fun! Caton said she mite take us on a trip whitch is cool! =)

Science: Finshed the test. =/. I just hate science.

Lab off: Went to the caferteria and sat with the life skill kids because they are so nice and I feel bad for them. I really do. They are just such a wonderful group of kids and they just get teased and made fun of because they're different. They are soo sweet. One of them invited me to go trick-or-treating with her and a group of her friends but idk what I'm doing for Halloween so I don't think I can go but it was just so nice of her to inivte me.

Lunch: Did the health h.w. I didn't do last nite and just hung out.

Health:  I love that class too. It's soo much fun. Alvino is def. one of my favorite teachers. She's just so nice. Well, all we did was take down defs. very easy.

English: Well, 1st Ms. Pizzuro said that my group did a great job presenting yesterday! ::Claps for Jen::: and the group that was supposed to go today took 1/2 the period setting up so me, George and Phil just talked 1/2 the period and then another gourp went.

AP: Oh geeze. Weaver wasn't happy with us today AT ALL! Well... I kinda don't blame him. We had a debate today and besides a few people NO ONE was ready at all. I asked my question (cuz I was in the questioning group) and I ask them and I had to think of a follow up and I just went BLANK. And I knew the answer I just couldn't say it so Mike saved my ass. I kinda made up for it later cuz when Tonya couldn't think of a follow up I jumped in and saved the day ::dun dun dun:: and then Weaver gave a speach saying he was disappointed in us and said we should have been ready. =/

Then...

Had to stay after for the meeting for the coffee house w/ George and Phil. Then we went down to Drama and found out the musical. Newfield High Is Doing...

CABERET!

 

This is going to be AMAZING! I stayed after today for tech/coustumes and props and it was ok I guess... some preatty dull moments, yet some good ones (Dave Martinez without a shirt! So hot!) and Ms. Caton complemented me today! This is what happened..at like 4:30 when i was leaving I was saying bye to her and ms. pizzuro and she's like "jen ur doing spot rite?" I was like "yeah" and she's like "and you're doing I stayed coustumes and props too?" I was like "yeah and tech and publicity" and she's like "well i guess we're going to have another good thespian next year. keep up the great work cuz u never know the parts for feauture shows!" I almosted DIED. =D.

 

ok well... now Jen is going to eat some dinner... no rehersal today. =(.

 

 

Oh before I forget...

 

Come to the Newfield High School Coffee House
10/28/04 7-9 $3 a ticket. Free food! =D.

 

Ok that's it bye!

 

[ I`m not that girl ]

Long time no write... [25 Oct 2004|09:34pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

Wow... long time has past but sadly not a lot has happened...

Well... I'll start with Father of The Bride... it closed 2 weekends ago. Even though that show was the biggest hassle, I'm going to miss a lot of people who did that show who aren't in Here's Love. Like Jackie, Ca, Tara, Will, Ian, Kelsey, Kali, Alex, and JON WIBBEN(I'm going to miss him the most =( ). The cast party was AMAZING. The whole table was singing Q. and then I went downstairs and talked with a group of people. It was the last time I saw/talked to him and I miss him so much. =(... ok Jen is going to stop being a sap.

Well... Tales Of Wonders closed this weekend. =(. Sure that show was also a pain but I still had fun doing it. And Tara dislocated her knee (I hope you feel better Tara) so we had to change some things around. Like George was dancing! HA! The show went great Saturday. After the show was the ice cream social thing. Then it was the cast party and we watched last Sunday's show. O man. We did an AMAZING job.

Well... I've been writeing a lot and this is my most recent thing. It's also in my profile but then I realized that the person I wrote it about has aol so he can't read it. Well... tell me what you think of it.

I love you so much but do I dare to speak the words "I love you" to you?
I always fear to speak those words to you because I'm afraid of your reply.
What if you don't love me back?
What if I make an ass of myslef like I usally do?
You make me smile just thinking of you.
When you give me a hug it feels like I'm floating.
I can talk to you for a few mintues but it makes me feel so warm inside
Because for those few mintues you were thinking of me.
You give me this warm fuzzy feeling I never felt before.
When I met you it felt I was reborn, became a new person.
You make me feel so great about myself like no one else made me feel like before.
If you're re reading this I just want to let you know...
I love you with all my heart and soul.

Most of you should know who this is too... =( i miss him soo much.

 

ok well... that's about it.

[ 3 Couldn be happier // I`m not that girl ]

Long Time No Update... [11 Oct 2004|12:42am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Wow I haven't updated in more than a week...

Well, Father Of The Bride shows went ok this weekend. On Saturday Will, Ca, and Jess C. weren't there so Jon, me and Nancy filled in the parts. Jon and Nancy did a great job at filling in. I did ok except I totally killed the tux line. I was like "Um.. here you go George. Here's your tux. It's a 40 long. It's a Georgio Armani. Um.. the real McCoy. Don't ask how I got it but um.. here it is?" . I totally messed up.

Nancy and Joe got married! YAY! Nancy looked so beautiful! I cried when I saw her. And she yelled at me. The wedding itself was so beautiful. Oliva (Ca's lil cousin) was the flower girl. Joey (Joe's nephew) was the ring dude. Nikki (Joe's Daughter) was the best person. Dom gave Nancy away and Ca was the Maid of Honnor. In the middle of the cermony Oliva spilt her flower things onto the floor and went "uh-o". lol. It was too cute. Then Ca sang this really pretty song. Then Nancy became Mrs. Joseph Noble. And then you know the line where you say Congrats to the wedding party and stuff? I don't know the name but anyway... when I got to Nacy she wispered "My boob is popping out of my bra" I was laughing so hard. Then we went outside and we threw bird seed and them. Then we went to the recption. It was so pretty. We went outside for cocktail hour. Very interesting convos. Many Shierly Temples were drank. lol. We all must of drank 10 each and there was 9 of us I think. lol. There was this really hot waiter giving out chicken and we all were like waiting for him. Then we went in where the party really began. 1st Nancy and Joe danced to their wedding song. And I then everyone joined in. I danced with Ryan. Then for the girls choice Ryan danced with Jess, Ca danced with George, Tara danced with Will, Coll danced with Christine whitch left me with Philip. Then all the fast songs were played and our whole little group danced THE WHOLE TIME! Except for all the crappy songs we didn't like. then they played "It's Raining Men" and Will was dancing like... well Will. Then some swing came on and we all were swing danceing. We all were pretty damn good at it if you ask me. lol. Had dinner and then it was off to Father Of The Bride.

On Friday I found out some interesting new. Frank and Darlene (sienors that graduated last year) had a baby. The freaking thing was that Darlene didn't know she was pregant til Thursday night when she went into labor! Image that! When George and Phil told me in English I didn't belive them. When George told Ms. Pizzuro the whole story her mouth DROPED! Well... Congratulations Frank and Darlene on their new baby boy, Jonathan Jospeh, who was born at 5:50 on October 8th  at Stony Brook University Hospital...good luck, guys!

Isn't odd how just a simple "hello" can make someone's day? I love it when someone just says "hi" to me or just gives me a hug it just makes me wanted.

Alright... now it's time for Jen to go to bed... Night!

[ 4 Couldn be happier // I`m not that girl ]

Long shitty Day [27 Sep 2004|07:09pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Today was... hm... how to word this... today was very, very, shitty.


 


It just seems my life is getting harder and harder for me to take. I really can't stand living any longer. Today was just the iceing on the cake. I just feel like complete shit. I feel worthless, like I have no meaning of being here. Hm... getting threaten by my own dad, my sister's being bitchy, looking in the mirror everyday seeing an ugly face looking back and thinking "why must I countine to suffer?." I just don't know who to turn to anymore. A lot of people I could once turned to, stabbed me right in the back. I just can't take this anymore. According to Phil I have P.S.S. whitch isn't good. I really don't know what to do. Well.. I'll update more later...


 


 


Ryan-- Don't worry it isn't you, it just iced the cake.

[ 3 Couldn be happier // I`m not that girl ]

The Awakening [21 Sep 2004|11:11pm]
[ mood | amused ]

                                   The Awakening

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective. This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow." You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:

· how you should look and how much you should weigh

· what you should wear and where you should shop

· where you should live or what type of car your should drive

· who you should sleep with and how you should behave

· who you should marry and why you should stay

· the importance of having children or what you owe your family

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a "perfect 10" Or a perfect human being for that matter. So you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval. And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that "it is truly in giving that we receive and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of "creating" & "contributing" rather than "obtaining" & "accumulating." And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with; things that millions of people upon the face of the earth can only dream about a.. full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed and the freedom to pursue your own dreams.

And then you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body,laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace.. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet "your" standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself" and "on yourself." Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn't change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So, you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead. You set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees because you've learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you'll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. Then a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you TAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

 

Everyone sees this poem a different way... I'm just wondering... what 3 quotes do you realte to most? I can name atleast 10 that just jumped off the screen while I was reading it. Just comment me the quotes and I'll comment back! =)

[ 1 Couldn be happier // I`m not that girl ]

Long Time No Write... [21 Sep 2004|10:45pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Long Time No Write...

Wow... it's been awhile since I last wrote... school is just one giant BLAH! So hectict it's not even funny. But I'm kind of surprise on how well how I've been doing. You guys know how all summer I've been worring about AP saying I was going to fail? Well... so far I'm not doing so bad. I got an 80 on our first test. I got 2 out of 2 on our daly quizzes. And my group got a 22/25 on the debate. Not too shabby for Jen. The one thing that might kill my grade is my quarterly, my DaVinci Code essay that I had to rewrite in a day that my stupid computer delated. Oh well... we find out our grades sometime before the end of the week. I'm also doing pretty good in English too. Ms. Pizzuro seems to like me. She is such a sweetheart. Like we had to write an essay on the poem The Awakening (great poem) and I wrote stuff about my family and she told me that she'll be there for me... whitch made me feel good cuz a lot of people don't care about me or my life. Health... I can already tell that's an easy A+. My teacher is SOO easy! Lunch is great! With Ali, Jimson, Cassie, Leo and Taylor. We have many um... INTERESTING... conversations. lol. Science is...well... science. Never has been one of my strongest subjects and never will. Gym... my football team is cool. I almost scored a touch down in flag football. Hey I might run slow but I can catch pretty darn well. Chorus... is cool... for an advance choir we are pretty good. FYI to all you people know what I'm talking about-- I still don't know who that girl is... hopefully I'll find out soon. Italian... I really don't understand her or her method of teaching. ATENTION-- IF ANYONE IS GOOD IN ITALIAN AND CAN HELP ME PAST FOR THE YEAR TALK TO ME SO YOU CAN HELP ME! Math... well... I liked my old class. See, me and Jess's math classes got mixed up and I was in her's and she was in mine. So I'm in a totally new class. I miss my old class with all my freshmen buddys. =(. Wow.. I just realized... I went though my schedule backwards! lol.

What Have You Missed In The Past Month In The Life Of Jen...

The life whitch I lead hasn't been to interesting lately. Bombed Jazz Choir auditions for the 2nd year in a row... woot-woot... boast my self-esteem a lot. Didn't make the Drama for the 2nd year in a row... once again... woot-woot... really a great self-esteem jolt. But hey... I get to do spotlight again whitch was fun. I get to see the whole show for free so that should be cool. Maybe this year I get to have a head set! Wouldn't that be cool! Father Of The Bride... is going alright. Tonight we were back in the church. I think we'll be ready to open next weekend. Tales Of Wonder... um... we open in 2 weeks and I can say only a few people can say "I know all my stuff and I'm ready". I'm about 75% sure about all my stuff... need to remeber just a few more lines and I'll be set. Her Smile... the show Ca wrote... is going alright. We had our 1st read though Saturday at Jackie's house. It was fun.

COME SEE FATHER OF THE BRIDE!!!!
OCTOBER 1,2,8,9
AT SMITHTOWN METHODIST CHURCH
TIME: 8 PM
COST: $10
CALL: 544-0044 FOR MORE INFORMATION AND TO ORDER TICKETS.

Alrite...

Alrite.. I think that's it... I think I filled you in on everything you missed in the past few weeks... I think I'm going to add a quote at the end of my entries because I think it will be fun.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you TAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
                                       --The Awakening
by Unkown

 

You know what.. I think I'm going to post that poem... because I love it soo much!


 

[ I`m not that girl ]

[06 Sep 2004|05:13pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Yeah... sorry I haven't updated in awhile... I foudn this somewhere and I thought it was cool. I needed a break cuz this stupid computer delated my essay and I have to have a 3-5 page essay done by tomorrow... I have 2 and 3/4 done... so about 1 1/4 pages left!

1). Take your LJ username and replace each letter with the corresponding number (A=1, B=2, etc...). If your name contains numbers, you'll need to convert them to letters first before you can convert to numbers. crazydisneyfan= 3+19+1+26+25+4+9+20+14+5+25+6+1+14

2). Add all of the numbers together to create a kind of super number. 172

3). Make a note of the first digit of this number, then add the digits of the number together. 1+7+2=10

4). Find the post of this number in your LJ. If you don't have that many posts, add the digits together again. Keep doing so until the number is smaller than your pathetic number of posts.

5). Take the digit you noted in step 3, and count that many words into the post. "I"

6). Use the resulting word in a Google Image Search, and select a picture from the first page: It was either this, britney spears, or boring pictures of actual wells. I thought this was funny...enjoy!!! lol

[ I`m not that girl ]

[25 Aug 2004|10:56am]
[ mood | I hurt my ankle! ]

New Schedule...

1st- Math- Rothberg- 213A
2nd- Italian 2- Sorrentiono- 101
3rd- Chorus- Caton- 94
4th- Earth Science- Cordero- 118
5thA- Gym- TBA- Gym
5thB- Lab- Cordero- 118
6th- Lunch- Lunch- Lunch
7th (S1)- Health- Alvino- 121
7th (S2)- Parenting- Mondente- 141
8th- English- Pizzurro- 218
9th- AP Eruo- Weaver- 211 (Have a meeting with Ross to change)

 

Ok... tell me if I'm with any of you at all!

[ 14 Couldn be happier // I`m not that girl ]

[23 Aug 2004|11:19am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Sry I haven't updated... I've been really busy with VBS and stuff

 

I NEED A NEW FAMILY! I'm sick of getting made fun of. I'm sick of feeling worthless. I'm sick of being here. I'm starting to hate myself because of their comments. My sisters just need to get a life instead of making their goal to make me feel like shit! Ugh.. I g2g cuz Princess Danielle needs to go on the computer.

[ 5 Couldn be happier // I`m not that girl ]

So Hot! [18 Aug 2004|01:11am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Aw I Love You Barrett Foa. <3

 

Avenue Q.= AMAZING look at thelittlelisa or famedreamer625 or lilgymnaststar3  for all the info. on the trip! =). I love you girls soo much and def. have to do that again! =).

Every morning this week I've been getting up at 7 for VBS (vaction bible school). =/. It's fun don't get me wrong but it's just so hard to wake up that early.

[ 5 Couldn be happier // I`m not that girl ]

[15 Aug 2004|12:28am]

--SOO HOT!!!

[ I`m not that girl ]

[13 Aug 2004|11:27pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Avenue Q. is in 11 hours!!!! =)!

[ I`m not that girl ]

[13 Aug 2004|10:39pm]
[ mood | Happy bout Q Sad bout my home ]

As I think back on my life and all I see is me in this house. The house that I grew up in... the house I thought I would live in until I move out when I graduate. Well... I guess I was wrong. I'm moving. It seems so odd... because I knew I was going to... but I thought Dad was still going to keep the house but he doesn't have the money. It's just going to be werid wakeing up into a totally differnt house with no Ginger and no Dad. I admit that I don't get along with my dad but that doesn't mean it won't be odd wakeing up in my "home" without him. Like This new house is going to seem so strange. Like my mom said my life is going to get better... I think it will but this is MY house! We've been the only people who have ever lived here. Just the thought of some stranger sleeping in my room where my bed used to be. Eating in the same area I have been eating for 15 years. Walking down the halls I have walked down my whole life. And the scary part is I took adventage of the years I lived here. I always said "I hate this house" I really didn't mean the house itself... I meant to say the people in this house. I LOVE this house. I really do. I know a house is just wood, nails and concrete... but it's my wood, nails and concrete! I know I seem happy about the divorse but I'm really not. Yes finally I won't have all the fighting with my dad but I'm leaving my home. No one knows how hard this is going to be for me. When we we clean out the house I'm going to be crying hystically. I spent 15 years here. That's most likely more than a 1/3 of my life! I had my 1st dog here. I took my 1st steps in the living room. I said my 1st words in the kitchen. I celebrated all my holidays here. If walls could talk their would be 15 years of laughs and tears. Memories that never will be experinced again within these walls. When we put up the sign that saids "for sale" everyday I'll cry because that means there will be no turning back. My home is going to be GONE! My memories will be GONE! My family as I know it will be GONE! Everything I ever knew will be GONE! And not just the house but my neighborhood itself. Still when I look down the block I see me, Eio, Jess, Jess, and Alex racing our bikes. When I look at the house diangle from me I see the woods where I built tree houses with my best friends. No longer will I have those 100 hour convos. with Mrs. Hunt. No longer will Leo live right down the block from me. No longer as the world I know it will disapear before my eyes. And when I walk out that frount door one last time... the moment the door closes my life as I know it will end.

[ 4 Couldn be happier // I`m not that girl ]

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